The Light 

Jonathan Ponce

Would stars still be visible if it were not for the darkness of the night? Would the moon still be beautiful if it were not gifted with light? 

I can feel the coldness in my bones. It is silent. I am afraid to breathe too loudly. I find myself stuck, hesitating to enter this room. If I do not open the door, will it not be true? The dreadful news is already controlling me; a simple task has become impossible. I force my hand to push the patient door open. The wheezing hinges cut the silence. The room is dark, but the light is on. Darkness is battling against everything, even the light breaking through the blinds. Here I find my brother, greeting me like a boulder, giving no tell of what emotions he carries in his flesh. He thanks me for being here, but I hate the fact that he is here. In the crib bassinet, I find Sophia. Her silk-like skin, hair the color of a newly-minted penny, and her big, round eyes make me regret every bad decision I ever made. Contrasting her beauty is the sight of IV tubes and medical devices she is attached to. Any advantage she could use against this war declared upon her flesh. Cancer, the one who declared it, suddenly controls everything. It is now cemented into any possibility of future life. Today, sorrow is my companion, and anger is my voice of reason. My thoughts run uncontrollably while staring at her, like a storm, overwhelming my mind and blowing any which way it pleases. I have lost the ability to think freely; I wrestle to find the light in the storm, and the light is dimming. I become angry with all the light I once knew, comparing it with the sorrow given to me at this moment. It is defeating me on all fronts. Grief has declared war against me as well. 

Six months later, outside my brother’s house, I take a deep breath. The coldness in the air pleases my lungs. It is silent. I hear the birds singing and the leaves on the trees conversing. I hurry to the entrance. I knock quickly, my body buzzing with excitement as I wait. The door, with a touchscreen on the handle, emits a futuristic sound before my brother opens it. He pops Sophia’s head out, as if she opened the door herself, and cracks a joke. He throws a hug towards me, and I catch it. Today, he is like a tree bearing fruit. As I enter, I hear a pastor preaching on the TV, and I see the light sitting comfortably in the house, touching every wall and every toy on the floor. I take off my shoes and wash my hands thoroughly; every advantage helps Sophia keep control of this dance. I hold her. She has lost her shiny hair, but her beauty remains. She is glowing like the rays of the sun breaking through the clouds, and she smiles, revealing her baby teeth, entirely in control of every thought and memory forming in my head. I focus on not forgetting this moment. Today, peace is familiar, and laughter is a habit. The future is free to be whatever it pleases, overflowing with hope. The storm is still here, but it does not affect the light. Hope and peace have moved in. I lay on the floor watching her play with her toys. No cries from her today, only laughter as she shows off her new skill ,saying “mama.” We now dance with the one who has declared war on her flesh, and she is leading. 

A couple of months after birth, Sophia was diagnosed with cancer. At that moment, I lost the ability to see light. I grew angry with all the good I saw. Unlike me, Sophia was not shaken by the trouble she was given. Through the removal of a mass and chemotherapy, she and her beloved family chose to find beauty and hope in the storm. She teaches me to find purpose in the hardships, not to let the storm take control, but to become as one. Sophia and my brother choose to get up every morning to try one more time, despite the hardships they carry, refusing to lose faith. Like them, I refuse to lose faith. They have taught me that darkness enables light, and that darkness does not overcome it.

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Jonathan Ponce is 25 years old. He was born and raised in Arizona. He is currently a student at Phoenix College, pursuing a degree in Biomedical Engineering, hoping to one day find his place in a medical research facility, working with his hands and living his life for others.